


happy birthday phil

by bucketofphan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol Trigger Warning, Angst, Dan has emotional problems, Drinking trigger warning, Drunk Constent, Implied Sex Scene, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Phan Angst, Phil Lester's Birthday, Phil is drunk, happy birthday phil lester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-17 19:53:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17566949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bucketofphan/pseuds/bucketofphan
Summary: Why don't you love me? It's easy. Or where it's Phil's birthday yet they're arguing and there's too many breakable objects in the room. Like a vase, a potted plant, and Dan's heart.





	happy birthday phil

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthday phil! i wrote this with an on the whim idea and Why Don't You Love Me by 5SOS stuck in my head. this is unbetaed so any grammar/spelling mistakes are all mine. i hope you enjoy <3

-Why?  
Why?-

“Dan, I can’t. You have to understand.”

Dan understood, he understood perfectly well. Phil didn't love him anymore. 

“You expect me to give you my heart only for you to reject it then be okay? That's not how this works.”

Dan knew he was crying but admitting it made him feel weak. Besides, Phil's eyes were dry. Fully of pity and regret though, which just Dan wanna throw a vase that much more. 

-Switching into airplane mode again  
We're not alright but I'll pretend  
Press my cheek against the glass  
Just be good 'til I get back-

“I think you should find somewhere to stay tonight.”

It was quiet, the once lively flat full of laughter and bright smiles now only held anger and sadness. Dan glanced behind Phil at one of his many dead houseplants. Apparently he can't keep anything alive. Not plants, not goldfish, not relationships. 

“Okay.” 

The word was a whisper then he was gone, the door slamming behind him. Phil stood there silently, moving a few moments later to pick up the small box his probably ex boyfriend had left on the ground. He wrapped his fingers around the box and slipped it into his sweatpants pocket, hoping the kitchen held enough vodka to drink the memories away. 

-The ground disappears  
I hold back the tears  
I check my phone to see your face  
Staring back as if to say  
Don't worry, you won't be lonely-

Dan slowed his pace as the cool January air hit his face. It was dark outside, the streetlights glow not doing much for directional purposes. He pulled out his phone, cringing as the photo of him and Phil lit up his screen. Dan ignored it the best he could and swiped up, turning on the flashlight. 

“Hey Siri… show me motels close to me.” 

“Okay Daniel, This is what I found for motels close to me.”

Dan sighed and clicked on the first option, hitting go for the walking directions. It wasn't that far away, maybe a ten minute walk. He pulled his hood up and covered his face, blocking as much cold air as he could. Dan stuck his hands in his hoodie pocket, fear immediately seizing him. 

Where's the box? 

He turned around and glanced at his apartment building.

“Bloody hell.”

Dan took off towards the door, seeming to jump up the stairs. He catches his breath at the main entrance, pushing the door open and slipping inside the warm building. He nods a quick hello to the front desk worker, ignoring the ‘I Know’ look she's giving him and waits for the one working elevator to come back down. 

The ding echos as the door opens, Dan making his way into the elevator. He stops just a step in as a clearly drunk Phil stumbles towards him. Dan catches him, looking over him and hitting their floor’s button. 

“What are you doing?”, Dan’s voice was weak, holding venom that was once there but he couldn't bring himself to be angry. Acceptance was finally settling in. 

“I needed you-you to know that I lo-love you.” 

“And I love you.”

-Few drinks deep at a table for one  
The place we like to go  
And you take yourself home again  
Three missed calls at 2 AM-

The flat was a mess, as always. The one difference was beer bottles and the vodka Dan has bought Phil for his birthday were strewn in the kitchen and living room. But that didn't matter. What did though was how fast Phil could get Dan’s hands down his pants. 

-Can you tell me why, my love?  
Can you tell me why  
I hold on to you and you hold on to me?  
Can you tell me why, my love?  
Can you tell me why  
I hold on to you and you hold on to me?-

But as the first few rays of sunlight filtered through the curtained window Dan was already packed and ready to go. He laid the note he had wrote earlier that morning after escaping from Phil’s grip on the coffee table, along with Ibuprofen and water for when Phil woke. He ran his thumb along the corner of the small box in his pocket, sighing as he looked around their flat once more. 

He leaned over just enough to place a kiss on Phil's forehead before straightening up. He crossed the short distance from the couch to the door and dropped his key in the ugly checkered plate one last time. 

“Goodbye, my lovely lion.” 

Dan shut the door behind him, not in pure anger this time but finally in understanding. Phil will forever be his first love and Dan will forever be his but Phil wasn't ready and wouldn't be for a long time. If somehow fate was real and brought them back together in ten years time, maybe the small box would come in handy. 

-You imagine when you close your eyes  
You're with me on the other side  
So why won't you love me?-


End file.
